The Adventures of
by SparrowsWenchXo
Summary: Collection of 5 random, short, make fun stories of Harry Potter.


This was not meant to be funny, me and my sister were just extremely bored a long time ago and came up with a bunch of stories flaming Harry Potter. Since we both share a hatred for it. I just found it the other day and I figured I might as well put it up. So if any of the HP fans are thinking about reading, I suggest you don't take what has been written offensively. Better yet, if you know your going to take offense from it, don't bother to read it at all. Yes, It was a loooong time ago that it was written, but please, do me a favor you sick minded people and read it in a literal way. There's no innuendos, and if you _absolutely must_ think of it that way, don't bother reading. Before you begin, let me make sure a few things are established about the character's names:

Prof. Ape-Prof. Snape

Dumbdoor-Dumbledoor

Snuggle Puss-Voldemort ((_Puss as in a cat))_

Sir Eats Alot-Ron

Magic Oil-Prof. McGonagall

Giny-Ginny

Rag Lad-Hagrid

Gremma-Hermione

Mouth Foil-Malfoy

Harry Head-Harry

FrogFarts: Hogwarts

_The Adventures of Prof. Ape and Snuggle Puss_

**Ape**: I am Ape, the lotion master

**Snug**: And I am Snuggle Puss, the snugglest puss in the whole wide world

**Ape**: I like to dance when I put on lotion

**Snug**: And I like to do things in a pink tutu

**Ape**: Name one

**Snug**: Like when I cook meat loaf for Dumbdoor

**Ape**: You're a suck up to an idiot!

**Snug**: I like cheese

**Ape**: When I see cheese, it turns rotten for some reason...

**Snug**: You smell bad

**Ape**: I didn't use any lotion yet.

**Snug**: Is there cheese in your pants?

**Ape**: Maybe

**Snug**: 'Cause it smells really bad in here, 'specially 'round you

**Ape**: Ok, ok I'll tell you the truth. I sort of have cheese in my pants. I put cheese in my lotion that I put down there

**Snug**: That's icky!

**Ape**: Your face is icky!

**Snug**: That was mean! I'm gonna point my magic wand at you and you're going to pretend to die. But don't really die, ok?

**Ape**: Fine, point it at me

**Snug**: Ok, here I go. Abra Kadabra! -Pause- You're supposed to pretend to die!

**Ape**: It didn't work you fool!

**Snug**: You were supposed to pretend!

**Ape**: I'm not that kind of person!

**Snug**: Well I'm not like you! -cries- Your smelly! -cries more-

* * *

_The Adventures of Magic Oil and Dumbdoor_

**Dumb**: Hello, I am Dumbdoor, and the future is coming

**Oil**: And I am Magic Oil. I am either seeing a client, sick or I just don't like you

**Dumb**: What do you mean 'not like you?' I like everyone, unless they have things to do that don't include me

**Oil**: -Tune to Fun Station Commercial- Let's go to Fun Station! Let's go have some fun! Let's go to Fun Station! Come on everyone!

**Dumb**: Ooo Fun Station! I remember, many years ago -

**Oil**: Ok let's go. But you pay admission

**At Fun Station**

**Dumb**: Ooo there's the slide I went on years ago...

**Oil**: No wonder they call you Dumbdoor. This place just opened!

**Dumb**: Let's go in the ball pit!

**Oil**: Fine. I'll watch you. Just go in the small one

**In The Pit**

**Dumb**: Help! Magic Oil I'm drowning!

**Oil**: Hey, stop yelling! Everyone is looking! Hey what are you staring at?? Avada Kadavra! Ok, he's dead.

**Dumb**: Ok I'm going down the slide now. I'm at the top and I'm going down. Weeeee! - Uh oh - Help! I'm stuck! I got stuck in the middle and kids are kicking me!

**Oil**: Please, you're embarrassing me! Fun Station's no fun with you. -Gasp- Are they serving meat loaf?

**Dumb**: Oh I wish I could eat it!! Can somebody help me!!

**Oil**: If you really wanted it you'd be out already!

**Dumb**: I got stuck in here while chasing a kid with meat loaf!

**Oil**: This isn't working! There is no meat loaf! I'm leaving! Just wait 'till you see what I put in your office!

**Dumb**: Help me!! Get me out of this thing!!

* * *

_The Adventures of Sir Eats Alot and Giny_

**Giny**: Hello, I'm Giny. Now let's eat some breakfast.

**Sir**: How come you're always first? It's always Giny this and Giny that, well how 'bout me for a change?!

**Giny**: Spider behind you!

**Sir**: WHERE??

**Giny**: Behind you, stupid!

**Sir**: Hey, I don't see anything scary, except you! Ha Ha

**Giny**: I bet you think I like Harry Head! Well I don't! I'm just so afraid of _it!_

**Sir**: Same with Gremma, I think. Just because I held her hand doesn't mean anything, I think. I just need to "_Bother_" her, I think

**Giny**: -_psychopathic laughter in between words_- Well - I had a - nightmare and um - well Harry Head - held my hand - and I had to - take a bath for - five weeks -

**Sir**: I know you like Harry Head. Do you think I like Gremma?

**Giny**: Yes. And I hate Harry Head

**Sir**: No, you don't! I hate Gremma!

**Giny**: I hate him more then you hate her!

**Sir**: No, you like Harry Head, you like Harry Head! Haha haha, you like Harry Head!

**Giny**: But I don't!

**Sir**: Yes you do! "_Bother!"_

**Giny**: I don't! Anyway, you like Gremma! I'm gonna put you in a freak show!

**Sir**: Dad! Giny's making fun of me! She says I like Gremma!

**Giny**: And he says I like Harry Head! And tell him to stop eating my chocolate!

**Dad**: Shut up the both of you! Gremma and Harry Head are two slobs! If you say their names again in this house I'll wash your mouth out with older twin bother poop!

**Giny**: You're so mean, you never believe me!

//The "_Bother"_ that Sir Eats Alot refers to is from Potterpuppetpals, it is not something that me or my sis made up. And the characters are meant to be puppets, not their actual people in the movies or the books. Just wanted to clear that up for any confusion.

* * *

_The Adventures of Rag Lad and Dumbdoor_

**Dumb**: I need a nap

**Rag**: And I am Rag Lad! The slobbiest, fattest thing in all the lands!

**Dumb**: I hate you

**Rag**: And I hate slobs!

**Dumb**: I have a beard

**Rag**: And I have a sale. Buy one rag and get a lad half off!

**Dumb**: That's nice

**Rag**: Don't you want a rag? I'll even give you a FREE lad!

**Dumb**: Well, I'm the Breadmaster of FrogFarts and I can eat bread whenever I want

**Rag**: Well I make rags EXTRA LARGE so I can wash my fat stomach!

**Dumb**: Ok. Bring me some meat loaf

**Rag**: It's down the potty, I had some last night!

**Dumb**: Well make me some more. I don't feel like eating stuff from the crapper.

**Rag**: Oh really? I do it all the time! It tastes so...different, but in a good way.

**Dumb**: You're weird and smell funny

**Rag**: Well that's not very nice! -Farts- Excuse me. Want some? Something else escaped! Hehe

**Dumb**: Smells like carrots and throw up

**Rag**: I know. Smells fresh, doesn't it?

**Dumb**: I would fire you but your perfect torture for the students

**Rag**: I farted once in Gremma's face. She passed out. Best moment of me life.

**Dumb**: Interesting...

* * *

_The Adventures of Gremma and Mouth Foil_

**Grem**: I hate you

**Foil**: I hate you more

**Grem**: Remember when I punched you?

**Foil**: -_Points to mole on Gremma's face_- Moley, Moely, Moley!

**Grem**: Well, answer the question!

**Foil**: Wha, what question?

**Grem**: Remember when I punched you?!

**Foil**: Your fist smelt bad and it didn't even hurt

**Grem**: Then how come you ran away crying? And what's that mark on your face?

**Foil**: Um...

**Grem**: Answer me before I kick you this time! Oh and you reeeally don't want to smell my feet. Even I passed out from the stench once!

**Foil**: Oh yeah, I'm real scared. But I'm sure your feet really do stink

**Grem**: You still never answered me!

**Foil**: The tears weren't crying tears, they were from the stench. The mark was always there.

**Grem**: No it wasn't

**Foil**: Still, it didn't hurt

**Grem**: Yes, it did. I'll have you know I took a shower for the first time _just_ to make sure it wasn't my stench. I even put on perfume.

**Foil**: You know I have a Voodoo doll of you!

**Grem**: No, you don't. I always look through your things. Stick to the subject!

**Foil**: Well keep this on secretly locked up

**Grem**: Nothings a secret when I'm around. GO BACK TO THE SUBJECT!

**Foil**: Fine, fine I'll prove it. Wait right here. -Runs out door- Sucker!

**_THE END_**

//Leave a review! And like I said, it wasn't supposed to be hysterically funny, it was just something me and my sis did a while back. If it made you chuckle, then that's good. It's one of those things that are so stupid you can't help but crack a smile. Anyways, probably won't add more, but I might. Oh and by the way, I need to give credit to Austin Powers for the quotes. Gotta love him! Lol//


End file.
